In yesterday's post, I talked about the behavioral and emotional link behind my spending. I also shared a spending problem I'm sure many can relate to - an attempt to keep up with the Kardashians.
I also shared with you how I have a tendency to feel down for periods. This has affected how I spent money as well, and only recently have I taken myself to the wood shed for what I'm about to admit to you.
I make purchases to mask my negative feelings.
Without being too open about it here, I can usually sense when I'm about to enter what I'll call a "black cloud" period. While these occurrences have increased in frequency as I've gotten older, I've learned that once I'm in it, the cloud will pass in 1-3 days.
As a natural introvert, when I'm in a black cloud, I withdraw. One reason for this is I'm stuck inside my own head. Secondly, I'm trying to avoid other black clouds. As an "empathic", I have a tendency to easily absorb emotions from others, and I try to avoid negative energy when my own thoughts skew negative. This desire to be alone is combined with a desire to distract myself from my own self (thoughts), and together this contributed to spending problem number 2. Stay with me...
I like technology. I actually don't, honestly. What technology provided was a platform for research and product comparisons. YouTube videos and websites filled with "exciting" things like Android vs Apple (vs. Windows phone!). Computer vs tablet. This feature. That feature. S pen. Apple pen. Words like zippy and snappy. You get the point. What does this have to do with anything? Researching this phone vs that phone, this tablet vs that tablet, provided hours of distraction. A distraction that would eventually build a desire to want to test drive these many devices. This would often lead to a purchase and that exciting dopamine rush when the new, shiny toy was in my hands. This led to a few weeks worth of experiencing the device for myself (more distraction!). After those few weeks, guess what? The excitement is gone and I simply have another phone that did the same shit my last one did. So before too long, you go back to the well to repeat the same fake euphoria again.
I got my first smartphone only 6 years ago. I've probably owned and resold around 20 phones in that 6 year period. No joke. Add a few tablets and laptops, and I wish you could see me shaking my own head right now. Those close to me know this problem of mine.
While we're at it, add golf equipment. YouTube reviews. eBay purchases. Dopamine rush putting the new to me club in my bag. Test drive. Repeat. Confession - I'm entering this summer of play with clubs I've yet to hit.
I'm aware of the problem. I'm promising myself to not repeat this going forward. I'm promising you, dear reader, as my invisible accountability partner.
I hope this provided a laugh. I hope that it frees you up to assess your own behavior. Allow yourself to laugh at your behaviors. The truth is, they're powerful and keeping a sense of humor will help you conquer them.
Sorry for the length - let me close with my out of budget spending for the week. I want to do this each Friday, a confessional. I'll also share my progress chart each month (let me know if you can't view this on your mobile device). The progress is from this week only.
Spending:
And, the progress chart. Have a great weekend everyone! I'll see you on Monday.
I also shared with you how I have a tendency to feel down for periods. This has affected how I spent money as well, and only recently have I taken myself to the wood shed for what I'm about to admit to you.
I make purchases to mask my negative feelings.
Without being too open about it here, I can usually sense when I'm about to enter what I'll call a "black cloud" period. While these occurrences have increased in frequency as I've gotten older, I've learned that once I'm in it, the cloud will pass in 1-3 days.
As a natural introvert, when I'm in a black cloud, I withdraw. One reason for this is I'm stuck inside my own head. Secondly, I'm trying to avoid other black clouds. As an "empathic", I have a tendency to easily absorb emotions from others, and I try to avoid negative energy when my own thoughts skew negative. This desire to be alone is combined with a desire to distract myself from my own self (thoughts), and together this contributed to spending problem number 2. Stay with me...
I like technology. I actually don't, honestly. What technology provided was a platform for research and product comparisons. YouTube videos and websites filled with "exciting" things like Android vs Apple (vs. Windows phone!). Computer vs tablet. This feature. That feature. S pen. Apple pen. Words like zippy and snappy. You get the point. What does this have to do with anything? Researching this phone vs that phone, this tablet vs that tablet, provided hours of distraction. A distraction that would eventually build a desire to want to test drive these many devices. This would often lead to a purchase and that exciting dopamine rush when the new, shiny toy was in my hands. This led to a few weeks worth of experiencing the device for myself (more distraction!). After those few weeks, guess what? The excitement is gone and I simply have another phone that did the same shit my last one did. So before too long, you go back to the well to repeat the same fake euphoria again.
I got my first smartphone only 6 years ago. I've probably owned and resold around 20 phones in that 6 year period. No joke. Add a few tablets and laptops, and I wish you could see me shaking my own head right now. Those close to me know this problem of mine.
While we're at it, add golf equipment. YouTube reviews. eBay purchases. Dopamine rush putting the new to me club in my bag. Test drive. Repeat. Confession - I'm entering this summer of play with clubs I've yet to hit.
I'm aware of the problem. I'm promising myself to not repeat this going forward. I'm promising you, dear reader, as my invisible accountability partner.
I hope this provided a laugh. I hope that it frees you up to assess your own behavior. Allow yourself to laugh at your behaviors. The truth is, they're powerful and keeping a sense of humor will help you conquer them.
Sorry for the length - let me close with my out of budget spending for the week. I want to do this each Friday, a confessional. I'll also share my progress chart each month (let me know if you can't view this on your mobile device). The progress is from this week only.
Spending:
- Tuesday, lunch at the Better Living Center = $6.51
- Wednesday, sushi lunch with L = $17.39
- Thursday, lunch at Chipotle = $7.72
And, the progress chart. Have a great weekend everyone! I'll see you on Monday.
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